She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
