Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
