I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize