I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
