i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
