Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
