The maid of honor just puked.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
