So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
