So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
