At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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