I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
