Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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