so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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