i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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