Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
