The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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