So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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