I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
