This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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