I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
