I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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