The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
