Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
