Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
