do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
