Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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