xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
