It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
