I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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