there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
