I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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