he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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