Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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