Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
