I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
