sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
