He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
