its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
