I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
