Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
