While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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