I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
