I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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