The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
