I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
