If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
jump out the window naked night went bad
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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