Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
