I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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