I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
