She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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