as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
