It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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