k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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