I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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