i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize