If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
