if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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