i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
