she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
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I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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