So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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