He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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