Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
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WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Damn victory sex feels great
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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