In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
