I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
