I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
