big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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