all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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