Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
