He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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