Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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