her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
