If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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