The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
