I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
